More and more marriages these days are facing long distance relationships. Long distance relationships bring about additional challenges above and beyond the typical marriage ‘stuff’. Or, at the very least, they make the current challenges all the more difficult to overcome. One of the main challenges is dealing with the household dynamics that radically change due to one spouse leaving the home.

Major Household Disruption

Household dynamics are entirely disrupted with the onset of a new long distance relationship. The spouse who is ‘left behind’ usually ends up taking up the slack of the day to day household chores. This is especially true if children are involved. Even the loving family pet becomes an additional burden when only one spouse is around to care for it.

Children may not express it verbally, but they also are affected when the routine they knew is suddenly thrown into upheaval. Their anxiety often comes out in non-verbal ways, often-times as disobedience or defiance. This is natural, as they are trying to make sense of their new environment, and are once again testing what their boundaries are. This adds extra stress to the stay at home spouse.

Steps To Ease The Tension

The ‘traveling spouse’ needs to double up on appreciation and at least express an understanding of the additional burden that is being placed on the one who is left at home. Simple “Thank Yous” go a long way in showing empathy for a challenging situation. Offering to help discipline the children, even if over the phone, is not only a great help, but also shows a willingness to pitch in even if not around physically.

Also, be prepared to take on extra duties if you come home on weekends. Or, at the very least, make sure you discuss your spouse’s needs when you return home. Traveling is tiring as well, so clear discussion on expectations is critical for those precious weekend days.

Beware of Resentment

The ‘at home’ spouse needs to guard against resentment, and remain open about his/her feelings, but without nagging. If you don’t feel your spouse is appreciating you for the extra duties you’ve taken on, you need to be wise in how you express it. Over-emphasizing how challenging the situation is for you will likely only alienate your spouse.

Express gratitude for their willingness to travel, and understand that it too comes with its own challenges. Then, without nagging, express your needs and expectations during this phase in your marriage. Be specific in describing your needs, and try to come to a resolution so you are both on the same page.

In most cases it is nobody’s ‘fault’ that you are in a long distance relationship, so casting blame does absolutely no good. Remember that the situation is temporary, and that you need to work together to get through it as smoothly as possible.