I know I need help understanding my husband.  I know my friends need help understanding theirs.  I know this because, unlike most men, women communicate.  With each other.  And from all this communication we conclude:  we need help understanding our men!

Having arrived at this realization you may be asking, what next?  What kind of help do you need and where can you go to get it?  If you’re like most wives, you need help to understand the following about your husband:

His Biggest Fear

His fears are very different than yours.  Most women have fears which involve being alone, being financially insecure, or not being loved.  But your husband’s biggest fear is probably not any of those.  These fears influence many of his actions, decisions and responses, but if you don’t know this about him, his behavior could be bewildering.

His Deepest Desire

As women, most of us deeply desire to be loved.  We want one man who will love us, cherish us, treasure us for the rest of our lives.  As much as your husband appreciates your love and is probably confident of your love, it is not his deepest desire.  Which means your primary goals in your relationship are at odds.  Until you find out his deepest desire, you will continue to be frustrated.

His Greatest Dream

When your husband was a little boy, what did he dream about?  You were likely dreaming of love and romance, possibly in the form of a princess meeting Prince Charming.  But his dreams were far different.  But his current dreams are similar to those he had as a boy, and you need to know what they are to understand what drives him.

Now that you know what kind of help you seek, the big question is, where do I find it?  There are a number of excellent books and additional resources on the internet.  But check the “experts” carefully; often they have themselves been married a number of times.  How much expertise can they really have?

Another great resource is to find a couple whose marriage you respect for its success and longevity.  Spend time with them individually and as a couple, and learn what they know.  Chances are you can glean a lot from observing their communication and the way they relate to one another.  Unfortunately going to other wives as a source of help can evolve into “man-bashing” and become counter-productive.

Once you have done some “research” and learned more about what makes your husband tick, you can start implementing changes in your own communication that over time will impact your marriage in some very fulfilling ways.